Posts Tagged ‘two-years’

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

Today, after working for a company for two years I got my first raise. My boss told me that because minimum wage went up, that would be my raise. All $0.12 of it. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn’t talked to in two years come online. I IM’ed him, only for him to respond, “I haven’t responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint.” FML

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

Today, I got the haircut I’ve been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I’m scared to go. FML

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn’t want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of two years that I am bulimic. His response? “Oh, I was wondering why you looked so good lately. Keep up the good work!” FML

Today, my best friend told me that for the past two years, he’s hated being around me. In the past two years I’ve saved his relationship, gotten him several jobs, and paid for several vacations, not to mention the whole ‘being his friend’ thing. FML

Today, I had an appointment with an allergist. Turns out that I have absolutely no food allergies, and I have been avoiding the foods I love for the last two years for no reason. FML

Today, I cried for thirty minutes while my boyfriend of two years watched. When I mentioned that he hadn’t offered a single word of comfort, he replied, “but you cry all the time.” FML

Today, my boyfriend of two years lost his job. He then broke up with me. Why? Because he would “rather be supported by no one than be supported by a woman.” FML

Today, I discovered that my abusive, obsessive, psychotic ex-boyfriend from over two years ago still has a thing for me. How did I find out? Although I’ve ignored him walking unnecessarily past my house for the past two months, it was hard to ignore when he fell from a tree outside my window. FML

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It’s been almost two years, and he still isn’t over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

Today I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we go to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then gets wasted, ends up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lying about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML