Posts Tagged ‘went-shopping’

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say “Can you hold my hand?” I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she’d asked me to hold her bag. We didn’t say another word after that. FML

Today, I went shopping for a nice outfit to wear for a job interview. A fake job interview. One that I just made up so my mother would get off my case about finding a job. I don’t know which is sadder, the fact that I can’t get a job, or that my mother actually believed me about the interview. FML

Today, was my girlfriend’s birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her … until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML

Today, I went shopping with my friends. I am overweight, so was surprised when my friends found a top that looked really great and slimming. Later on, while wearing the top, I saw two other women wearing it. They were pregnant. I fit into a maternity top. FML

Today, I went shopping with my son. When I passed by the alarm gates, they rang. It came to my attention that my five year old son stuck an anti-theft device in his pants. Security thinks I tried to have him shoplift for me. FML

Today, I went shopping for a new phone with a full Qwerty keyset. The man at the phone store kept trying to get me to upgrade my service plan to a more expensive one, with unlimited talk time. I’m a mute, and had been communicating with him via pen and paper during the entire checkout process. FML

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant’s entrance, called out and asked: “Did you flush it?” Everyone heard her. And I’m 22 years old. FML

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself “I wish my girlfriend did that.” When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I’d gotten on my lower back. He said, “It looks like it’s flying when your rolls jiggle.” FML

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying “Worlds Smallest Penis” everywhere I go for a month. FML