Posts Tagged ‘window’

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, “He’s dead” and cried. FML

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

Today, the driver’s side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, “Sorry, thought this was my car.” FML

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, “Hey do you need a hand?” The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour’s worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn’t until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. FML

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the bonnet of my dads car. FML

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It’s an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

Today, I woke up to glorious sunshine and birds chirping away happily. I decided to open my window, smell the lovely spring air, and admire Mother Nature. All I saw was a fat, sweaty tramp taking a shit on my lawn. FML

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to throw pebbles at my window. Well, he didn’y realize that windows break. The rock broke my window and laptop. FML

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn’t working I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML