Posts Tagged ‘women’

 Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, to the women he cheated on me with. FML

Today, I went into the women’s bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

Today, my friends and I were playing a game where you come up with a sexy word that starts with the first letter of your name. A bunch of the women present had names starting with A. I blurted “asphyxiation”. FML

Today, I went shopping with my friends. I am overweight, so was surprised when my friends found a top that looked really great and slimming. Later on, while wearing the top, I saw two other women wearing it. They were pregnant. I fit into a maternity top. FML

Today, after cleaning the women’s bathroom at work, a lady came in and exclaimed “you’re going to regret cleaning this bathroom before I came in here!” FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend called and said he wanted to have dinner with me. When I got there, he told me that he wanted to break up with me. I had broken up with him 2 months ago. He thought I was joking. He had been seeing other women anyway. FML

Today, I began to get fed up with my boyfriend for acting like a jerk and being weird. When I went over to his apartment, he was hugging another women while sitting in his bed. I screamed at him and told him we were over. It was actually his sister, who was informing him of their mother’s death. FML

Today, I realized what all the women I’ve been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don’t like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women’s tennis. FML

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate, selfish bitch. FML

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

Today, a patient rushed into the ER screaming that his wife was going to have the baby in the cab. I grabbed my kit, rushed to the cab and started taking off the women’s pants. As she screamed, I realized she had no baby bump. It was the wrong cab. FML

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can’t find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, “do you know if anyone else does?” FML

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, “You! You so hairy- $35!”. FML