Posts Tagged ‘word’

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say “Can you hold my hand?” I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she’d asked me to hold her bag. We didn’t say another word after that. FML

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn’t stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

Today, while playing Apples to Apples, the word up was “loveable”. I put down the card “boyfriend” because my girlfriend was the judge. I lost to the card “George Carlin”. FML

Today, my college professor asked my entire class what a trapezoid was. She had never heard the word in her life before. I pay 40k a year to go here. FML

Today, the girl of my dreams handed me a heart shaped card. On the front, it reads “You + me =”. I open up the card and read the word “NOTHING!”. FML

Today, I misspelled the word “failure” in front of all my co-workers. Now I’m not given any writing tasks. FML

Today, I found out that I’ve been mispronouncing the word “rigid” my whole life. FML

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should’ve seen the word “Sherriff” written on the side of his car. FML

Today, I received my ‘Save the Dates’ in the mail, as I’m getting married in February. While reading them over, I discovered that I misspelled the word “forest” and wrote “forrest.” This wouldn’t be a HUGE deal if I didn’t teach Language Arts. FML

Today, I used the word “benevolent” to describe my mother, who then yelled at me for half an hour about the importance of respecting my elders. She wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain that it was a GOOD word. FML

Today, I was so bored I googled the word “bored.” The results were boring. FML

Today, I found out I have the word “liar” tattooed on my back. My ex girlfriend was my tattoo artist. She broke up with me because I cheated on her. FML

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said “like shit.” I didn’t know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was “feeling like I was in the process of defacating.” FML

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That’s when I realized that I didn’t have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML