Posts Tagged ‘worst’

Today, I went to the nurses office because my stomach hurt. She looked at me and said sympathetically, “Aren’t menstrual cramps the worst? There’s a cot in the back, hun.” She must’ve mistaken me for a girl with my long hair, because I’m a boy. FML

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend’s family. As if it wasn’t awkward enough, his mom and sister decided to wear matching dresses in different colors. The even weirder part? I was wearing the same dress in a third color. The family voted that I looked the worst. FML

Today, I couldn’t sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn’t kick my cat out of bed because I am an unemployed college student, who earlier today had an argument with my brother in sixth grade over which of us the cat loved more. FML

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy, and the first morning I’m home, my entire region gets hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town’s paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He’s the editor of the newspaper. FML

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it’d be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his “soulmate” walk away 9 years ago because of his “previous commitment” and how he regrets it every day. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin’s bathroom. FML

Today, my brother informed me that he had dropped my toothbrush into the toilet… After I had brushed my teeth. FML

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted,”Hurry up, I have diarrhea!” FML