FML Today » worst

littlegirl says FML

admin — Sat, 07 May 2011 10:57:06 +0000

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shoots straight up my nose and I had the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

Monique says FML

admin — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 15:36:42 +0000

Today, my head has been killing me. I’ve had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

mommylovesu says FML

admin — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 11:42:22 +0000

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn’t run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I’m the worst mom ever. FML

newlywed says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 12:29:48 +0000

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he’s ever had. FML

nobubblewrap says FML

admin — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 12:37:10 +0000

Today, I saw some bubble wrap on the floor and I got really excited. When I went to pick it up, I realized that it was just plastic wrap. It was the worst part of my day. FML

Pox says FML

admin — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 09:35:03 +0000

Today, I got chickenpox. I’m 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn’t going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, “That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. Adults don’t get chickenpox.” He then fired me. FML

zzzgrady says FML

admin — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 07:18:17 +0000

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese’s PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

yay says FML

admin — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:06:56 +0000

Today, I went to the nurses office because my stomach hurt. She looked at me and said sympathetically, “Aren’t menstrual cramps the worst? There’s a cot in the back, hun.” She must’ve mistaken me for a girl with my long hair, because I’m a boy. FML

CopyCat says FML

admin — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:30:13 +0000

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend’s family. As if it wasn’t awkward enough, his mom and sister decided to wear matching dresses in different colors. The even weirder part? I was wearing the same dress in a third color. The family voted that I looked the worst. FML

Teresa says FML

admin — Fri, 28 May 2010 11:21:36 +0000

Today, I couldn’t sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn’t kick my cat out of bed because I am an unemployed college student, who earlier today had an argument with my brother in sixth grade over which of us the cat loved more. FML

Jimbo says FML

admin — Tue, 25 May 2010 14:44:41 +0000

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy, and the first morning I’m home, my entire region gets hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

annonoymus says FML

admin — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 19:55:04 +0000

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town’s paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He’s the editor of the newspaper. FML

itsEVERYWHERE says FML

admin — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:34:07 +0000

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it’d be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

smashleighfig says FML

admin — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:14:40 +0000

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his “soulmate” walk away 9 years ago because of his “previous commitment” and how he regrets it every day. FML

SeaSick says FML

admin — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:03:18 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin’s bathroom. FML

ilike says FML

admin — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 06:53:25 +0000

Today, my brother informed me that he had dropped my toothbrush into the toilet… After I had brushed my teeth. FML

embaressed says FML

admin — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:44:53 +0000

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted,”Hurry up, I have diarrhea!” FML

vanguardwiley says FML

admin — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:40:15 +0000

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to “put on my big girl panties” and make him breakfast. FML

robinhoood says FML

admin — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 01:38:57 +0000

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I’m thinking about how awesome it is that’s she’s doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I’ve ever received. FML

tryscal says FML

admin — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:35:38 +0000

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd~5th graders on why it’s so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies – I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML