Posts Tagged ‘year’

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he’s moving away for college. That won’t be for another year. FML

Today, I was at a public pool working as a lifeguard when I saw the girl I have a crush on. I tried to keep it cool by waving at her, and the next thing I know, I’d fallen out of the tall chair onto a four year old girl. FML

Today, I woke up with terrible knee pain, but went to class anyways. Turns out my bone graft broke away from my shin. I had surgery over a month ago. I now get to start from scratch, again. This will be my third surgery this year. FML

Today, I was asked out by a guy I’ve liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, “I have to pee”, and ran into the men’s bathroom. FML

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it to close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I’m a firefighter. FML

Today, I sat in my room on the computer instead of attending the party of the year. I got kicked out because I wasn’t invited. The party was in my back yard, hosted by my brother. FML

Today, I got dumped after about a four year relationship. Feeling lonely and depressed, I posted on facebook, “is hurt, someone please text or call me.” Then one of my cousins commented, “no one text him.” His comment got 17 “likes.” No one got in contact with me. FML

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year old I had to deal with. FML

Today, my parents met my fiancée’s parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad’s story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I wanted to be nice this year, and give her roses, chocolate, and a book of tips on how to stay young. She yelled at me for accusing me of thinking she’s an old wrinkly granny. So much for being nice. FML

Today, it has been one of the hottest days of the year in California. The fans are in other rooms, so I went to spray myself with a water sprayer, and I sprayed it all over. I didn’t realize it was Windex until it got to my face, including my unsuspecting eyes. FML

Today, my four year old daughter showed me her beautiful artwork. I now have a stick figure and a flower carved into the passenger side door of my Volkswagen. My car got keyed by a four year old. FML

Today, it’s one of the hottest days of the year we’ve had so far. To top it off, the tenants who live downstairs have their heater on. We don’t control our heating, they do. FML

Today, we had a school dance. It’s the last one for this year. I paid a week ago, yet they said I wasn’t on the list. I was willing to pay again, but they didn’t allow me to because they think I won’t be missed there. FML

Today, I had to wipe my ass with one of my socks. This is the second time this year I have found myself without toilet paper at school and no one to ask. My parents paid for me to go to college to wipe my ass with my clothing. FML