Posts Tagged ‘year-old’

Today, a 70 year old guy started hitting on me at work, and said I had a “nice back end” and a “nice front trunk.” FML

Today, I found mold growing in my 17 year old step-daughter’s bathroom. Upon gently asking her to clean it, she started crying and told my wife that I yelled at her and called her a slut. My wife took her shopping to cheer her up. I’m in the doghouse, and stuck cleaning her bathroom. FML

Today, my 32 year old brother came to spend the weekend at my house. I woke up at 3am to him drunk and drawing pictures on my new carpet with his pee. FML

Today, I forgot to go and pick up after my 8 year old daughter, after she had been away from her family for a whole week at Brownie camp. Her friend’s parents dropped her off and she ran in crying, thinking we had tried to get rid of her. FML

Today, we rode a double-decker bus. At a stop light, my 9 year old son thought it would be fun to reach for a tree branch, only to fall off the bus. FML

Today, I had to explain to my 9 year old daughter that you can’t put a tampon in until you start your period and you can’t put more than 1 in, we had to take a trip to the ER due to the three tampons up her vagina. FML

Today, I called my 5 year old into the living room and told him that he must stop opening my tampons and playing with them. My husband then says ‘Oh sorry, that was me, I wanted to see what they looked like.’ FML

Today, I was at a theme park near the bumper cars. Impatient to start, I ran as fast as I can to get into a car. An unlucky 4 year old girl got in my way and I accidentally kicked her face first into a bumper car. I immediately went to see if she was OK. She wasn’t. Her dad punched me. FML

Today, my 5 year old kept on flipping people off at pre-school. Why? Because my husband taught her how to. Who’s being blamed for this? Me. FML

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl. I had to listen to Hannah Montana on a continous loop for 6 hours. FML