Posts Tagged ‘year-old’

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

Today, I was ridiculed by a 50 year old woman because I told her we couldn’t accept her food stamps. I work at a hardware store. FML

Today, I was explaining to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband’s first marriage lives with her mommy and my little girl lives with us. She exclaimed ‘It’s not fair! I want two mommies like she has, maybe we could swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!’ FML

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that “all men are pigs” and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He’d written “Chuck Norris” as the answer for every question on his test. FML

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

Today, my 45 year old mother came home from a party at 4 in the morning. I’m 16 and went to bed at 8pm last night. FML

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy in back of me on the airplane. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he whacked the water bottle in my face. I now have a black eye. FML

Today, I found out that my neighbors’ 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that our 84 year old landlady upstairs has more friends than we do. FML

Today, while at work, I wet myself. I released so much urine, a puddle of it formed around my feet. Apparently, I’m an 18 year old with incontinence. FML

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of “Stranger Danger,” we had gone the park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming “Stranger! Don’t touch me!” FML